I know the bloody awful feelings I have when I kill a work I’ve put all that effort into, and my work is only work of the head and hands, not also of the heart and soul like yours is.

Could this be less break down and more break through for you? Perhaps you are winding up for an outbreak of your wilder, freer work? May be you have another dark, dark, achingly dark piece gestating, adding to your restlessness? Or perhaps you will take yourself under control and determinedly work your way through the work you have planned, which will be an accomplishment of epic proportions under the circumstances.

Good luck.