motivation
List -Watercolors and pencil on paper by Jennie Rosenbaum
I’m finding it hard to get motivated at the moment. after something like a big exhibition a kind of malaise sets in that is pretty hard to push through. luckily this time I wasn’t actually depressed afterwards which was a pleasant change, but I am finding it hard to get back up and into the studio. there are projects around the house that need to be done and I am focussing on those instead of work. I do have another new exhibition coming up soon in Boston, and new paints to try, I have some ideas for pieces and some blog posts to write, online listings to update and exhibitions to apply for but I have to shake myself out of this funk first!
Back to it!
Well, I’ve had a lovely week off, very relaxing indeed. just what the doctor ordered (actually, literally..). and now I am ready to start resuming work again. I’m going to start off slow, kick it off with uploading new works to boundless gallery and Discovered artists, working on some websites I administer and start to blog more again. thankyou for your patience in my rather pathetic blogging schedule lately! I also need to clean. the house looks mostly like a bomb hit it and that is not far off when you consider my emotional state beforehand.
Trials and Tribulations
sorry for my lack of posting. I’ve been meaning to update you all on the new paintings I’ve been doing, the news from this show and other shows and all the little bits that go into making an exhibition work. the problem is, that I fear that a lot of that stuff is only exciting to me and possibly a couple of other artists. I’ve been working like crazy on this, trying to get it all done and ready on time. I’ve been working so hard in fact that my husband is threatening to take away my computer. which only means that I will probably work more in the studio until i drop from exhaustion. which is happening a lot at the moment. I’m stressed, panicky, asocial, cranky and regularly mutter under my breath. I can’t sleep, eat or relax. and so, of course I hide away from things like blogging which is a form of communicating with the outside world.
I reassure myself that it will be better when it’s over, then I have the depression to contend with and finally the rest before ramping up to the next one. the good news is, that I am not alone. almost every artist I’ve ever heard on the subject is the same. I think it comes from a fear of putting ourselves out there. our works are so intensely personal that it is ourselves hanging on the wall, ready to be judged. and yet we crave the attention, we want our works seen, we want the collection to be viewed together. so we panic and stress and worry, then the absence of that stress and panic and this thing that we’ve thrown ourselves into is over all too fast and we crash. and the fact is, we thrive on it! it’s one of those stupid artist things that make no sense. it’s exhilarating, it gets the blood pumping and the brain churning faster than ever. creativity spikes and ideas come fast and furious. better one crowded hour of life…
Pressure Mounting
it use to be that I needed pressure, it fueled me and spurred me on. I would rise under it the more I had to cope with. I am sure I will be like that again very soon but I admit I’ve been panicking quietly about this show, once I get into the studio and do some painting I am sure I will relax and start working in my usual pre show manner (in a massive flurry of creativity) but I have to get over this case of nerves first!
to help with that I’ve reverted to my old Project management practices to make sure I know when everything needs to get done, and how, and what I have to do, what relates to everything else and how long everything will take to do. it’s a massive help to see it all laid out there in a chart, just writing it all down and seeing how long it will take is soothing to my frazzled nerves. It’s also nice to know I haven’t lost my touch!
Just because it’s a Nude doesn’t mean it’s Porn
And just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s not art.
the key debate in the Bill Henson controversy is whether these images are pornographic. the case hinges on the phrase “depicted a child under the age of 16 years in a sexual context.” The murky area is the sexual context. as I have previously postulated, anything can be seen in a sexual light. there are some strange, strange people out there, but that I don’t think that these pieces are sexual in any way. This debate seems to have come right down to my favorite topic of nudes and sex.
Pornography is designed to be titillating, arousing, erotic. it is created with an end in mind, and that end is sexual gratification. Nude art is sometimes created for that purpose, but more often than not it is about other things. the nudity can be a symbol for freedom, youth, purity, innocence, fear, starkness, vulnerability, openness, hatred, vilification, aloneness, atonement.. I could go on and on. it is a choice and a powerful artistic subject conveying so much meaning and depth. it is a subject with a glorious history and a perennial favorite of artists everywhere.
There are those out there who are insisting that because it’s a nude, it’s sexual and because it’s sexual, it’s pornographic and therefore illegal. I want to know – why do these people see it as sexual? what is it about these pictures that is titillating? tell me please! am I missing something? because when I look at these pieces I see a nude child looking confused, lost and forlorn.
laws of Physics Cap’n
I hate the laws of physics, especially where they apply to blowing fabric attached to points. This falling figure was working so well up till now, great motion, a horrible chaotic feeling and gravity, but I can’t get this damn blindfold to work properly! does anyone want to volunteer to be pushed off a building so I can photograph them and get the physics right? no, I think I am just going to have to tie my poor husband up, blindfold him and blow a hairdryer at the fabric until I can get it to work. and yes, this is the same blindfold piece I was working on weeks ago..
yet again
Storm – 12×12 Oils on Canvas (detail) by Jennie Rosenbaum
I’m stuck spending too much time on marketing and not enough on painting. I know the marketing is paying off, I know it is going well, but if I don’t have the works then I don’t have anything to market! it’s a fine line as an artist, especially when you have aspirations like mine, but I cannot let my work suffer on account of my business brain going into overdrive. it just feels like there is so much to do and so little time to do it in.
time to get back in the studio and poke some brushes at some canvasses (but not palette knives, I’ve given up on those for a while)
Feeling Exposed
Well that didn’t go too well, I will keep trying until I get through this block. when I am blocked it affects everything, I don’t want to work online, I don’t want to think about promotions or shows, I just want to hide.
So today I played around with making a facebook app. you can now add my blog to your facebook page and invite others t do the same! how cool is that! go here to add the app, or add me as a friend and I will send you an invite! I am going to try not to spam everyone and anyone with it because I hate it when people do that – but I would love to see it spread!
Slump
I have some kind of bug and am not feeling up to much right now, sorry if I haven’t gotten back to your email yet or if I’m not posting very often right now, I’ll get over this slump and be back to full speed soon.
in the meantime I have been playing with twitter and with ecto3 which is becoming very interesting now.. what do you think of using my images from Flickr rather than through wordpress? leave your thoughts in the comments below.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Ugly by Jennie Rosenbaum
It’s been a bizarre week, starting last week when I received a call from local news show today tonight. it seems they are doing a story on a condition I have and are interested in how I have used my artwork to help me through it. I have spent the entire week panicking, alternatively walking on air or terrified and depressed over the whole matter.
The interview was on Monday and I felt it went well but I still have a pervading sense of worry. The topic is Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Now, some of you are aware that I have this and some don’t know. it’s something I usually keep secret because it’s a fairly neurotic side of me that I want to keep hidden. well, it’s out there now! the funny thing is that it’s a condition that makes you want to hide away and now I’ve talked about it candidly in a very public forum. I couldn’t be more terrified. My mother will immediately come back telling me to stop being so dramatic and the only reason I feel fat is because I am fat.. I can hear her now. a lot of people won’t understand, they will think it’s all an attention grab or melodrama. I guess what I want to say in my my own private forum is that it is real, and it’s bloody awful to go through. Now I can hear some of you thinking, if she is so worried how come she let it out there? My confidence to do this came from knowing that my art will be shown on TV. while I was terrified but it was too good a career opportunity to pass up. I started out thinking about it in terms of my art and career but I think that this interview actually was good for me as well. it made me look hard at myself and my issues while trying to describe BDD. it also helped me look at my art a different way which is always good!
I will post here when the show airs.
Victimization
Reflection 24 x 36 Oils on Canvas by Jennie Rosenbaum
I read Hazel Dooney’s blog somewhat religiously, it’s inspiring to read the thoughts of such a successful young female artist – especially one I have quite a bit in common with. She recently wrote a fascinating post about victimization amongst female artists which really touched a chord in me.
At different times in my life, I have been a victim. I’m not talking about when I was young, when I didn’t have much control over my life. I’m talking about when I was older, when I realised I was allowing myself too often to be cast as one.
At first, I just didn’t know how not to be. I was naive so I was sometimes exploited. I didn’t always have guidance when I needed it most. When I was in my early teens, I was groomed by predatory, older males, including one of my school teachers. By the time I was in my early twenties, it was a habit formed not just by experience and a lack of knowledge and self-awareness but also an insidious, almost Pavlovian process of response and reward. That is to say, I was rewarded for being a victim.
Stand Up, Artist
I have been frequently cast as a victim. sometimes I’ve let others do it, but I think the worst is when I cast myself in the role. being a victim is easy- a surrender, a way of giving up. and lately I’ve been pretty close to doing that. it’s a way to step back and not take ownership for your life, your mistakes or your problems. it’s a way to not deal – like hiding under the covers. and sometimes I want to do that so much! but apathy is just a slow death, one filled with regrets. Other times I’ve let other people lead me, accepting their word and their realities rather than my own. taking their validation as gospel and letting them make the tough choices or to take the actions. and when they thought of me as their victim, I became their victim and allowed them the keys to hurt me.
some wierdo posted a long rambly comment at the end of Hazel’s post – Probably could have written more too, but I realized when I saw the final length that I really should have put it here instead.
I think it’s very easy to surrender to being a victim. it’s harder to rise above it all and gain strength from it. sometimes it seems that the best thing in the world to do would be to just give in, to play upon the nature of our sex and to allow others to take charge over us. we do it by seeking approval, letting our choices and our voices be lost. it’s something that I have to remain vigilant against – it’s just too easy to let go.
I think it’s especially easy for artists, we put our lives out there, our traumas and our deepest secrets and it’s so easy to want to use that. after all, it’s a great way to work through issues but it can segue into putting those issues out there for the highest bidder and gaining validation that way – rather than through the accomplishment of the work itself.
some people say that I’m a control freak – and I’m sure they say that to you as well, but there is nothing wrong with owning your own life, your decisions and your actions – and even your pains and traumas and issues. I wish I could remember that all the time, it’s something I need to work on.
And I stand by that still – I do need to work on it. and I will.
De-tox
Pain by Jennie
I am currently in the midst of changing over medications. I’ve tolerated to my nerve medication and have to step down gradually off it. It’s disturbing to say the least – I’m filled with an unholy demonic energy that comes out in lots of little annoying ways. Combined with the fact that I have developed stomach trouble on my main painkillers and had to go off them for a while (I hope) I am not a happy camper. I am going to use this fire inside me to paint for a bit and try to forget the pain and difficulties. this could go really well.. or really badly. but I’m looking forward to finding out!
Technorati Tags: art, CRPS, Pain management
Happy Holidays!!
Happy Nude Year 2007 by Jennie
The very best of season’s wishes to you all, no matter what you choose to celebrate at this time of the year I hope it exceeds all your hopes and dreams.
All the best for the coming year.
Slump
Slump – 12×12 Oils on Canvas by Jennie
I’ve been spending time re-organizing the house for the demolition to start on the unit in behind. we’ve had to clear our garage of everything which has required some serious changes to the layout of the house and some creative organization solutions! I’ve taken the opportunity to re-organize my studio as well and now I don’t seem to want to leave. I have some paintings to get done for a christmas show at Port Art, Some works for a show during Miami art Basel and a commission piece. I find that I am reveling in my studio and thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to get back to painting. deadlines help keep me focused.for some reason I have an issue using my computer.. for the first time in my life I just don’t wanna. I have no interest in any of my usual online pursuits which is very odd for me – it’s funny but I guess you can burn out on just about everything and for me, right now, it’s online stuff. so email responses and blogging are liable to be a little slow right now- I’ll be back to the grind soon though!this piece is one of my new smaller works for the upcoming shows. I am enjoying working smaller again, it makes me think about everything a bit more. as usual it started as something completely different and changed as I worked on it. it’s dark again, I seem to be doing a few dark ones right now.. feel free to let me know what you think!
Tags: art, artist, creating art, nudes, oils on canvas, painting
Changing Seasons
Storm – 12×12 Oils on Canvas copy copy by Jennie
Changing seasons always screw me around. last fall was appalling and I’m getting knocked around this spring as well. I wouldn’t mind so much but I’ve been working really hard to prepare and increase my strength and I’m still struck down. grr. I have new canvasses and ideas going begging as well.. finishing that piece finally seems to have freed something up inside – almost as if I needed to get it done to move on. well.. I’m ready!!
meanwhile I am meeting with a gallery next week and have some work going in a christmas show soon – more details later.
website directions
Cocoon by Jennie
I am musing over my website. the latest version of iWeb has improved some of the key issues but has changed the gallery setup quite drastically so I find myself in a difficult place. I can continue with my original gallery setup with the .htaccess lightbox mod and switch to self managing my gallery again (rather than the very simple integration with iPhoto – yes I am lazy) or I can change to the new format which is more of an ajax type with a dynamic load and a slideshow format. this seems like a very small thing to consider, and normally it wouldn’t give me a moment’s doubt, but I am unable to integrate sales information links into the new gallery type. what I have been considering for the past few weeks is adding sales options below the images that have either originals or prints available. I have received a lot of requests for sales information integrated with my pages and am still torn on whether this is the direction I wish to travel in. on one hand it offers another potential income stream and different traffic options – on the other, it could piss off commercial galleries by looking too self managed.
So I put my questions to you dear readers – would you prefer to see sales options on my website gallery pages? or, do you think it is best to leave the sales info to my blog or to separate pages on my website?
Tags: art, art sales, art world, artist, selling art
Adrift
I am feeling a bit adrift in my career at the moment. I think being stuck between two artistic seasons can be quite confusing to say the least. the US season is hotting up which is great, I have a lot of calls to respond to, I’m selling online, but I want to work on exhibiting.
Without a doubt my work is better accepted in the US. my sales are better and I am receiving gallery offers all from overseas. this is wonderful, but I am facing a situation where I create paintings for an exhibition then crate them up and send them out without being able to attend my own shows. Some of you know that I have received an offer for a solo at a commercial gallery in Montreal. I’m delighted and am trying to raise the funds to ship my works and hopefully to be able to attend, but with the issues with my pension I haven’t been able to make a start.
I would love it if I could add some focus here as well, networking is easier and being able to attend shows means I can build my collector base better- but something keeps holding me back from pushing in Australia. I don’t know what it is – maybe I am just afraid of talking face to face these days.
Portentious
does it feel like a time of portents to anyone else? as I watched the eclipse tonight I was struck by how everything feels like it is coming full circle. some things are drawing to a close, wrapping up, or making way for other new changes. new things are starting up, evolving and growing. Ideas are taking shape and I feel like I am rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and ready to take on anything.
it isn’t spring here yet, but this winter has been more dark and forbidding than any other I could remember. it feels like months have been chopped out of my life that I will never get back but finally everything seems to be moving again and reminding me that even when things are dark and miserable we have the strength to continue and wait for things to turn around.
Body love
I was watching TV the other night, a series from the 90s that I very much enjoyed. the episode contained many women in bathing suits (there may have been a story as well – I was distracted by women in Bathing suits) and I was struck by how beautiful they were. these women were of differing heights, colors and figures – all natural, all lovely. the diversity of them was dazzling – beautiful shapes and colors as far as the eye can see. I was thrilled at this show for not pre-screening for some ill conceived concept of perfection.
I have been struck by the Sameness of women recently. models, actresses, even local fashionistas all look the same. we make such efforts to achieve this apparent perfection, changing our figures, tanning, cosmetics, surgery, trying to alter everything about ourselves to match everyone else – and I don’t think anyone understands why. We want to adhere to this concept of perfection, but I don’t think we even know what that means. Diversity is beautiful. women are beautiful. curves are beautiful.
I realized the other day, that the figure I always wanted as a little girl was the figure I have today. I never wanted to look like a model and I still don’t. I wanted to look like my favorite comic stars – and I do. curves and all. These were the women I looked up to, these were the women that inspired me to become an artist.
when did the word curves become a synonym for the word fat?
Apathy
I have been very slack with my blog. it’s funny – it was doing so well last year that I panicked and stopped working on it. I have a fear of letting people down – so I stop and let them down.. wait.
Every day I write a blog post in my head. but for some reason it’s been hard to get things out on my keyboard. it’s been a tough winter but a lot has been happening, but rather clue you in on it and manage to wake up tomorrow and find it was all a dream, I say nothing at all. sometimes I’m afraid I don’t have anything important to say, a new work, a hard hitting article, nothing. but the fact is I do usually have a voice and I am choosing to shutup. I am no longer using my blog as a visual diary or as a journal of my emerging success as an artist and I need to do something about this.
well that ends today. I am going to make a concerted effort to pick up my blogging starting with a blog makeover. no more blog apathy for me!
hibernation
Turmoil – 12×12 Oils on Canvas by Jennie
This painting is SOLD
everyone is finding this winter difficult. I don’t know whether it’s the bitter weather or the bad viral strains around but a general malaise seems to have settled over everything. I have spent a good portion of it sick and sore as it now appears that my back can predict the weather and is doing it’s best impression of an overfilled hot water bottle. it’s pretty miserable.
the good news is that the art season in the US is picking up and things are going very well. I just wish I could paint! I’ve already had to forego a show opportunity in Berlin because I’m just not particularly able right now. I hate it!
meanwhile, I seem to be incapable of telling people good news about myself and my career. I get too afraid of jinxing the opportunity or waking up and having the entire thing crumble to dust around me. I’m sorry- amazing things are happening and hopefully I can share details very soon!
Sometimes a Nude is Just an Unclothed Body
Student Drawing by Panse’s Students
“This had nothing to do with First Amendment rights. This had nothing to do with retaliation,” said Richard Zuckerman, attorney for the school district, who was also individually named in the suit. “(Panse) was wrong. He got punished.”
In 2005, school district officials sought to fire the tenured teacher, accusing Panse of bringing sex into his high school classroom and of violating district policy by offering students a figure-drawing class — which would include the use of nude models — off campus and for his profit. The district suspended Panse with pay from his $54,782-a-year job in December 2005. An administrative law judge ruled Jan. 8 that Panse did violate the district’s no-solicitation policy but that district officials failed to prove that his talk of nude-model drawing rose to the level of sexual inappropriateness. Panse served a 15-day suspension without pay and returned to work late this year
recordonline.com – Judge throws out art teacher’s suit:
I have been following this case with interest. What rankles me is that the school has tried every way possible to pretend that their complaint is not about the subject. it’s easier to close your eyes if you delude yourself into believing that peripheral issues will detract from the main problem.
when this case started, there was no mention of solicitation, there was no mention of amendment rights – all that counted, to the school, the courts and the world, was that Panse suggested life drawing to his students – life drawing that might involve *gasp!* nudity. He had the temerity to suggest that students who were wishing to continue art into college might find it beneficial to do some life drawing. this is a fact, many colleges require life drawing and appreciate early experience (mine did).
It’s true that this case may not appear to be about the first amendment, it could be argued that this is a distraction from the original charges of sexual inappropriateness. but I believe that this case does involve the issue of freedom of speech. Panse was a tenured teacher, hired to instruct students and prepare those that wish to take it further for college. this is still a core function of a high school teacher.
Many of you may know that when I was younger I wanted to be a doctor. I studied anatomy especially and exposed myself to anything I could learn. at about 14 or so I got a copy of gray’s anatomy, which I devoured. I studied avery part, including the reproductive system. was this wrong? no – it’s necessary to the career I wanted at the time. I think the same situation applies. life drawing (clothed or unclothed) is necessary for all artists, just as understanding how the nude body looks and how the reproductive system works is vital for all doctors.
It was recommended to me that I enter a special program when I was 16. I got to attend uni lectures and a dissection of a human cadaver. for reference, this cadaver was female and, necessarily, nude. this was a recommendation made by my teachers. were they wrong to suggest it? was I wrong to attend? was this sexually inappropriate? (yuk). absolutely not. it was a valuable experience for me and fascinating to boot. was it important that it was nude? no, it needed to be. sometimes a nude is just an unclothed body – and last time I checked, we all had one of these.
Panse was only doing what he thought would be best for his students. he wanted them to succeed and understood that this would be favorably looked upon by colleges. His suggestion, in my opinion, is protected under the first amendment as he was doing his job and assisting his students in the best way he could, using his experience as a teacher to try to prepare his students for college and their chosen careers – and that is never wrong.
Tags: art, art news, censorship, controversy, creating art, life drawing, nudes, nudity, panse
The Naked Face of Art
To my mind there’s precious little point in complaining about the paucity of meaningful art any generation produces. You can’t browbeat artists into producing work that overcomes their audience’s natural resistance to a message. You either wait for that rare genius who can do that to come along, or, again, you accept the best work your generation can produce until values change.This belief is how I filtered the article by Roger Kimball (“Why the art world is a disaster
It’s Our Values, Stupid:
Edward Winkleman’s blog is in my list of must read feeds. his insights into the state of the art market and the art culture of today are fascinating. This article in particular resonated with me. at this time there are more artists working than ever before, all trying to get the recognition they feel they deserve. some succeed and some don’t, it is a harsh business. it does seem, however, that while the creation of art is at an all time high, meaningful art creation seems to be lost in a self perpetuating cycle of assimilation, attribution and attrition.
we are becoming more inured to meanings and messages, they are preached at us in the media until it becomes a dull hum in our ears. it appears that we have started a search for meaninglessness over everything else, worshipping vapid gods and godesses on magazines and our personal televisual altars. it is only fitting that art should follow suit. our ideas of success are rooted in the business world and our values are monetary as opposed to creative, spawning works that are centralized around the pursuit of money and matching ubiquitous couches; pacifying and pandering to buyers rather than creating to change perceptions and values. it is worth saying at this point, that I am also guilty of capitalization. I aspire to a comfortable living and perhaps, one day, to a painting that might live forever. I don’t think that they are entirely opposed, but I worry that when the focus is on the material we lose sight of our own individual pursuit of art.
To shock meaning back into art we need to go to extremes – in a world where violence is commonplace and nudity is mistaken for sexuality, a world where the extreme is now the everyday – how far must we go? and how far is too far? the line appears to be arbitrary.
Tags: art, art world, creating art
iPod the death of art?
Speaking on the eve of his 70th birthday, Britain’s best-loved
living painter said the proliferation of iPods – Apple has sold
more than 100 million worldwide – and other digital music players
has combined with a decline in art education to create a “fallow
period of painting”.
“We are not in a very visual age,” Hockney said. “I think it’s
all about sound. People plug in their ears and don’t look much,
whereas for me my eyes are the biggest pleasure
iPods to blame for total eclipse of the art, says Hockney – Digital Music:
With all respect to the venerable Hockney, this is a load of tripe. if anything, we are in a more visual age than anything else and perhaps listening should be higher on the agenda. if anything is to blame for declining visual values then advertising would have to be a bigger culprit, causting people to glaze over visuals and actively work to ignore them.
for me, art is greatly enhanced by music. not only in the viewing, where it can add more weight to an exhibition or installation, but also in it’s creation. I can personally say that my iPod has set my art free. I need music when I work and being able to plug in my iPod means I can paint whenever I please, in the afternoon or at 4am! (and it happens a lot – inspiration strikes me at night). Because the sound is delivered straight into my brain via my beautiful skullcandys I transport with the music and find myself in a purely creative place of my choosing. music influences my style, the techniques I use and even the things I try.
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