Resolutions and opportunities
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to new years resolutions, why we create them and what they do to us. Last year I had several blog posts worth. Did I achieve them all? No, sometimes because the scope was too huge, and sometimes because as the year went on they lost relevance or new things came up that changed the game.
This year I am trying a completely different tack. I am shunning my old standby the list and going with a single new years resolution:
Identify opportunities and seize them
Last year I started to see how powerful this could be. I took a massive step forward in my career mindset just by being open to new opportunities. I liked it so much I want to dedicate my year to this single premise. And the best thing is that this doesn’t just refer to work, everything is an opportunity waiting to be seized.
What opportunities will you seize in 2012?
achieving my goals bit by bit…Online
Wavelength 8×10 Oils on CanvasI want to build up my online presence even more. Build on what I have created and refine my practices. I also want to add some YouTube into the mix. I hate YouTube, but I cannot deny it’s power. I also want to finally make a landing page for my facebook fan page!
This year may finally be the year of the website redesign. It might be time.
I want to work on my online galleries to make my listings as good they can be, I also want to increase my sales.
These goals are all related. my online presence is a large part of my success as an artist. I started using a lot of social media tools before social marketing was even really a thing.. but I’ve stayed away from youtube. mostly because of the comments. and the inanity. I don’t love the idea of my work being on the same site as dogs pissing on keyboards. but, I also know that it is, truly, the last untouched arena for me, that it has massive sharing appeal and a huge following. sometimes you just have to Suck it up princess! (this seems to be becoming my theme this year). videos show more about art than photos can, sharing the works with people is the key and being precious about it won’t sell paintings! I have the software, the knowledge, I just don’t have any excuses.
my facebook page is going really strong, it could use some videos, some more images (must paint must paint) and a nice branded landing page. something to entice. that’s next weeks project.
as far as redesigning my webpage goes, I’ve been using iweb with some haxies to create my page, and it’s good, it’s certainly easy and it doesn’t distract me with fun code to play with, but I need to step it up a bit. I’m thinking of going to wordpress and a professional theme for artists with my own customisations. wordpress is so much more than a blog, it’s a fantastic Content Management System and I think it will really help with my SEO efforts. the problem with being a geek, however, is the constant itch to tweak, code and improve everything, and often I get so caught up in that I forget about painting! and that is the one thing I have to do this year over everything else. I’m looking at some artist website services as well, to prevent me from scratching the tweak itch.
I’m looking around still for an online gallery to replace Boundless Gallery, I’m using Discovered Artists and Artfire currently but I’d like to work further to finish uploading all my works for sale and make the descriptions and photographs as compelling as possible. I also want to finish my ‘view in a room’ images. they will help with my videos as well!
So.. Here is what a Gantt of this process would look like. no it is pretty anal to create a Gantt of something like this, a todo list works just as well, but I started something so here is my online strategy for the year in Gantt form. Online Goals
2010 – my year in review
2010 has been a huge year for me in just so many ways! I decided to take much of the year off from chasing galleries, focusing on exhibiting and the hard slog of being an artist, and instead made my focus studio work, improving my art, and, of course, getting used to being a mommy! In some ways this plan worked out brilliantly and in others it didn’t. I’m not very good at slowing down it seems!
It’s been a hard year in many ways, but also one of the best years I can remember! Here’s a look back on everything I achieved this year:
1: I had a beautiful baby girl! being a mom is better than I could have imagined and she thrills me daily with each new accomplishment.
2: i’m still Breastfeeding! From someone who said she could never do it, and having so many problems to start with it’s now almost 10 months in. And one of the best things i’ve ever done. I look at Erica and how healthy and happy she is and I feel a great sense of accomplishment.
3: I gained representation! So much for not looking at galleries, I gained two in the one year!
4: I was juried into commercial exhibitions! Based on a render no less, first time a work has been accepted based on the concept alone.
5: I exhibited smarter, not more. I only went for exhibitions I truly wanted to be a part of. Ones that would look great on my CV.
6: I learned to say no to opportunities that wouldn’t benefit me. One exhibition I was lined up for went from bad to worse, it wasn’t being well organized and I felt it would end up reflecting badly on me, so I pulled out. I am not being elitist, i’m sure it was fine for some of the exhibitors, but it wasn’t set up for my kind of work.
7: my work improved! The key goal for this year was to get plenty of time for my art even with a baby, I really wanted to focus on working well in the studio and I think I have set up some excellent practices.
8: I was asked to donate a painting to a very good cause, I was treated very nicely and thrilled to be a part of it. The piece sold well!
9: I started to get a bit of name recognition going on. People mentioned they had heard of me a few times – how cool is that? my marketing and online viral stuff is paying off
10: my facebook page has gone gangbusters, and i’ve met some wonderful people, quite a few connections have come about through it and it’s fun to work with!
11: I’ve made some really great connections this year, in Australia and overseas, it’s wonderful to meet so many brilliant people!
12: I have a permanent home! I love the feel, we have space, and light and lots of wall space too! I will have a custom studio that is all mine, not a room I have to be careful in, but my own space to truly let go in. Next year I will be painting it and getting it all set up.
13: I have an iPad. i’m writing this post on it. I loves it so!
14: I became a ninja! Part of the daz beta squad testing all the latest tools, I also spent way too much, so it’s lucky that I am learning to…
15: become an affiliate maven! I am beginning to earn real money as an affiliate which is pretty cool.
16: I improved my 3d skills out of sight, I can’t even recognize the work I used to do! I’ve started working with bigger and better tools and really thinking about he way light works, it’s very cool.
17: I dropped 3 dress sizes. a very hard time with hyperemesis gravidarum plus breastfeeding and finally resetting my hormones after taking depo provera, has brought my weight back where it is supposed to be. now I need a new wardrobe!
18: I connected with my mother and father in a way I never knew I could, my relationship with them both is now better than ever!
19: I learned to lose myself in the sheer fun of playing, a good story, a song or a silly dance. it’s amazing how babies can help you reconnect with your inner child!
20: I learned to be happy where I am, I love the way things are unfolding, and the way my life is shaping up. I have so much to be thankful for, a brilliant husband, a wonderful baby, a lovely home, a career I adore, a name in the making and two brilliant cats. and an ipad. I have everything I could want.
Art, motherhood and religion – oh my!
Expecting
Again, Robert Genn has given me much to think about in one of his twice-weekly letters. this one strikes very close to home for me as well and I followed the links with interest. The letter is in response to an artist asking for advice on how to balance her art career and motherhood. Imagine how saddened I was to read so many of the comments. so many women saying that it was just impossible to be bth a mother and an artist, that it can’t be done, that it’s selfish to try and that it’s wrong to deprive your child. all the things, in fact, that Robert seemed to be concerned about in his letter.
Also, I want to mention the extreme expectations that current parents have for their children. Children have taken on a god-like role and have become the focus for everything from prepping for stellar futures to daily parental companionship. Parents sacrifice their own lives for the potential brilliance of kids. For better or for worse, raising kids well is the new religion.
Further, I wanted to say that letters like Cedar’s come in here like leaves from a shaken maple. I’m conscious that many artists, both male and female, use the advent of parenthood as a scapegoat for failing careers. Artists in this predicament need to examine their true motivation for this popular complaint.
It’s been my experience that dedicated artists will always find a way. I’m also happy to report that selfishness need not prevail, nor need the baby lie unchanged in its crib. The creative mind is always working, even during the application of nappies. Household workstations can be set up and work can continue between feedings and other downtimes. The intermittent business may actually benefit the art–for many of us, contemplation is a much needed ingredient to our progress.
[From Art and motherhood]
I worked throughout my pregnancy (despite many complications) and continue to work with my 5 month old baby. Part of it is luck, I have a wonderful baby and husband that helps me out enormously, but part of it is also sheer determination.
I am also worried about this new religion, it seems to be leading to a sense of entitlement and selfishness amongst children. I worry about women who lose their identities to their children and submerge themselves trying to be the perfect parent. Post Natal Depression is also up, I just can’t help but believe these numbers are linked. There is no such thing as the perfect parent and what works for one family may not work for yours. the best advice I’ve received is to do whatever works for you.
all of these subjects make me think about relative roles in the home and workplace. there is still an expectation that women will stay at home to raise their children, that their careers are temporary (as evidenced by the very large gap still in pay rates) and that we have a duty to surrender to our children. a few artist dads spoke out in the comments of this post, they find it just as challenging to balance their careers with their children. all working parents have this dilemma. the problem is that because so many artists are passionate about their jobs (and enjoy them!) it doesn’t always feel like work. this leads to a sense of guilt – I’m having fun so it can’t be real work! I’m not saying that women should all run back to the workplace, or that there is anything wrong with staying at home to be a full time parent. I’m not saying that any one option is the right way to go, I’m saying that it shouldn’t be assumed that the women are the ones to stay home and we certainly should not be penalized for it
Edit: in a rather amusing twist, this was supposed to be scheduled for later. as I was scheduling it Erica hit post.. apparently part of being a mother and businessperson is submitting a blog post even when you aren’t ready! I tried to stop it, but once it’s in the feeds there’s really nothing that can be done so oh well!
the effects of denying women artists the nude
From the 15th through the 19th century the nude was essential to art, especially to grand history paintings. Doing history paintings helped establish the stature of an artist. However, women were barred from studying the human nude regardless of gender; even when they were permitted to join the academies on quotas, they were restricted from such training. By the time the restrictions were lifted by the end of the 19th century, the nude was no longer central to painting’s subject matter. Nochlin discusses this issue extensively.
She writes, “I have gone into the question of the availability of the nude model, a single aspect of automatic, institutionally maintained discrimination against women, in such detail simply to demonstrate both the universality of this discrimination and its consequences, as well as the institutional rather than individual nature of but one facet of the necessary preparation for achieving mere proficiency, much less greatness in the realm of art during a long period.”[From Why have there been no great women artists? - Stabroek News - Guyana]
this sounds like an interesting concept, I don’t know if I agree with a central precept, however, that the nude is no longer central to painting. it’s a crucial part of training and still a key subject, from art history to now there is no single subject that has been covered as extensively as the human body.
it’s an interesting parallel to draw, that the lack of access to the nude for women artists impeded their growth as artists. but it is noted that other factors probably contributed as much. I look forward to reading more as this series continues but I find myself concerned that some of the logic appears to be a little scattered. I assume it will all pull together by the end. I also dispute the title, it’s an attention grabber (it grabbed me!) but there have been many excellent women artists of note, both in the periods mentioned and now. They have received less notoriety, but are not less ‘great’ -it all depends on how you define greatness.
I am interested to see if these conclusions about the history of women artists lead onto the current disparity between modern male and female artists.
There is no Such Thing as a State of Readiness
One thing I learned recently is that all the planning and preparation in the world is completely useless unless you actually take the plunge and get going.
Release - 12x12 Oils on Canvas
it’s so important to just do it. nothing is ever going to be perfect enough, nothing is ever going to be ready – everything is a process. putting things off until they are ready or perfect or just how you want them is anathema to getting anything actually achieved. and that is fine if you actually want to coast through and not achieve anything, but usually perfectionist types have very clear goals. I know I do.
If I had waited until I was “ready” to have a baby it would have never happened. and I find that now I have one, I am ready. nothing can prepare you, so there is a limit to how much planning you can do. I was a project manager so you can imagine how that strikes me! (must..plan..everything..) but I realized that all the planning in the world couldn’t prepare me. I just had to take the plunge. and I was right! I prepared for the things I could control (very little) and am in constant amazement by all the wonderful things I could never prepare for.
today I contacted some galleries. as I sent off the emails, I worried. my artist statement and bio aren’t perfect! I don’t have enough lines on my CV, I’m not ready, what if they turn me down, what if I get shunned by the entire arts community because of my problems with capitalization?
but I sent them off anyway. and already received one callback. so there perfectionism. sometimes you just have to jump in, hold your breath and hope. there is no such thing as ready. you won’t get anywhere dipping a toe in – you won’t know the temperature of the water until you actually get in.
Bill Henson: my impressions
millennial slippage is the term coined by Bill Henson to describe the current state of affairs worldwide. He emphasized that “The truth of art” should be exposed to our children, that we should never forget our artistic and cultural history. it’s on the basis of this that we can move forward rather than submitting to this millennial slippage.
The speech last night was excellent. Listening to Bill Henson discuss various cultural references, I looked around at a variety of young, blank, faces and I felt how true some of his statements were. we do need to expose our children to art, to history, to culture. art is the expression of history and the cumulation of our civilization. I was struck by Henson’s self effacing nature. watching him you would never know that someone so apparently shy was embroiled in such a shocking controversy that rocked the art world two years ago. It was interesting how little he cited his own work, preferring to discuss literature, composers and classic painters.
The political nature of the lecture was fascinating as he skirted any specific examples and avoided namecalling, calling instead for a return to statesmanship and common sense with more respect for the arts- both historical and current. I believe he feels truly wounded by Kevin Rudd’s insensitive and ill informed comments about his works, but rose above it to be the bigger person (as opposed to the way it was described in The Age).
I was particularly interested in the discussion about consent and censorship. His defense of the censorship board came as a surprise to some. giving credit where credit was due, he made it clear that the board were very supportive through the entire ordeal. The media have leapt on his comments about consent, afterall, Henson attacked a sacred covenant, contact sport for minors. this was a much more controversial statement than his research that life modeling for artists has no documented history of causing trauma to minors. The reverse appears to be true as so many previous models came to his defense during the scandal and remain solid friends.
I rose above my fear of public speaking to ask a question about the attitudes towards the nude in australia. his answer, in essence, was that he believes this is a wave and that most people are smart enough to realize the ridiculousness of the current attitudes, that the nude is a constant through these waves of attitude and censorship and will remain. I wish I agree that commonsense will prevail!
I wrote copious notes and will write about this further, I want to digest my thoughts more before I do. Needless to say, it was a pleasure to listen to such an articulate, genteel soul speak with passion and conviction. for further comments and observations please read Peter Ryan’s commentary at his blog.
the paintings that never were..
one of my many visual diary sketches...
I sit in my studio, around me are images that have been painstakingly posed and rendered, they are all inspiring in different ways. in my mind I can see how each one will turn out. this one will be a watercolor, that one is begging to be an oil painting. I might try experimenting with that one and try something new. each piece unfolds in my brain, each stroke, each layer.
The future ramifications of each piece start to click together. marketing ideas, where I might want to list them, the collectors that might be interested, the people who might not like them. whether I want to build on a series of works like this, where I would show them, how they would be presented. How I would write about each individual piece. it’s keywords, it’s marketing phrases and copy. how I might feel while creating it and what I will say in my blog. If it is a particularly emotive piece I think about the different reactions it might bring up in others, and in myself.
In effect each painting is done before I start. I want to paint them, I can’t wait to touch brush to that beautiful white surface.
But now I’ve sat or stood for too long. the spontaneity is gone and the pain is wearing on me. I can’t stand or sit for too long without feeling too much pain. I know I will be called on for feeding soon and I’m beginning to worry that I might be too dizzy. I don’t want to faint again.
and those paintings that are waiting to be sometimes never get a chance. this is something I need to work on. Over-thinking is one of my worst stumbling blocks. it stands in my way every time I go to do anything. It isn’t just painting, it’s everything I do.
Do you overthink things? how do you overcome it?
In Memoriam
I’ve been thinking about getting a memorial tattoo for Granny. I want something on my inner elbow that I can see when I paint. just something small that will make me smile and remember her.
Granny’s favorite advice was go with the flow. it’s something that still resonates with me. she was a very relaxed person, the very epitome of practicing what she preached. I, on the other hand, am wound up tighter than a swiss watch. when I find everything getting to me it’s like I hear her voice telling me to just go with the flow. especially when I’m painting. she always taught me to relax when creating and let my art flow through me and I want to remember that always. now, I know that there is nothing that will make me forget, she’s etched in my memory, but a visual reminder that’s always there just when I need it. that sounds wonderful to me!
I just want something small. no outlines, just filled ink that looks like watercolor wash on my skin about the size of a 50c piece. my ideas are either a small chinese air cloud or a sakura blossom in some water. delicate, classic and all about the flow.
I miss you Granny!
what I had for breakfast…not!
Interlaced – 12×12 Oils on Canvas
It’s been becoming apparent to me that I don’t actually write about myself very much in my own blog. this has come about for a number of reasons. Mainly, it’s because I have a mostly loathe/hate relationship with myself and the thought of writing about myself is a worry. I don’t want to bore people by discussing what I had for breakfast or mentioning my day to day trials with pain management, being a new parent or breastfeeding and all the millions of things that go into making me who I am. I worry about minutiae and obsess and never end up writing.
I like to keep a professional blog, with relevant and interesting information, but it is increasingly missing that personal element. and I think that is a bad idea. I started this to be a journal of my progress as an artist, and as my art is intimately tied up with who I am it makes sense that I should write about that too! I realize I don’t share good news when it happens, or, increasingly, no news at all and that just isn’t right. being an artist is more than just your genre or your finished works, it’s about the person behind it all. I promise I will try to keep it relevant, and hopefully interesting! and no, I won’t talk about my choice of breakfast!
10 Ways to beat post exhibition blues
Something that I never knew when I started exhibiting was that it’s very common to have the post exhibition blues. in fact, almost every artist I have spoken to has had this issue. there is a let down after the huge event. you spend so much time focussing on it all, creating artworks, hanging, publicizing, it becomes a massive high capped off by the opening. then, suddenly, it’s over. and your life can seem.. empty, it can be crippling- my first exhibition had me lost for over a month in a deep depression.
after that first experience I decided that this should be something that can be avoided and I’ve been actively working on it ever since. these are my tips for beating that post-exhibition depression.
- Have a new series or body of work you are really excited about and ready to get started on. the sooner you get back into the studio the better. that’s why you became an artist!
- On the night of the opening go out to dinner with collectors, friends, family. a nice group of people you can enjoy who are going to give you support, distraction and a great come down after a perfect night.
- Don’t drink during the opening. nurse a glass of wine all night or have something else. alcohol is a depressant and you want to be sharp on the night.
- Keep a file of “warm fuzzies” – emails, comments, tweets of nice things that people have said about your work. refer to it at need!
- Spend 15 minutes in your studio each day, even if it is just looking out the window, sketching, looking at books, old sketchbooks, going over ideas, surround yourself in your art.
- Give your studio a spring clean. if you are like me, after an exhibition everything is in chaos. tidying it all up gives you a sense of closure, and a clean studio always beckons for new work!
- Try a new medium you’ve been meaning to try. experiment and have some fun!
- Tally up all your achievements at the exhibition, no matter how small. the people you gave your cards out to, the new mailing list signups, the good things that were said and done.
- Buy yourself a new sketchbook or brush or something, a nice treat to pat yourself on the back. it needn’t be expensive or large, just a celebration.
- Don’t focus on all the things you should have done or wish you had done. remember them for next time and move on. start planning the next big thing!
the decade that was – Stuff I learned
- fate is a bitch. if you aren’t doing what you are supposed to be doing you might just get kicked in the balls.
- don’t get into a car accident with a cop- it turns out that they are always in the right, even when they aren’t.
- if you have reason to believe a light failure was the cause of your accident report it straight away, even if you are in hospital or at home dazed and in pain.
- once isn’t enough. confirm your new address details on the phone with the insurance company several times – or pick a good one.
- big companies would rather pay a fortune for a procedure that won’t work than pay for inexpensive ongoing treatments that will total less and do work. getting them to change their minds on this is difficult.
- always have your own specialists and people you can trust to see you through difficult times – getting help is not wrong, not getting help when you need it is.
- live your passion, live for your passion and relish it. few people do this.
- appreciate the wonders in your life. especially the little joys.
- accept the things that happen and make the best of them no matter what.
- split up enormous blog posts into easier to digest small amounts.
- learn to say no to the wrong opportunities and yes to the right ones.
- you can learn anything if you have internet access.
- apply for everything even if you don’t think you will get in – the worst they can say is yes!
- trust your gut.
- cope.
the decade that was – part two
Most of that was 5 years ago. since then I have:
had many exhibitions, solo, group, juried, international and local
developed signature styles
studied photography at RMIT and drawing and painting at Curtin University, all online
learned how to use 3D modeling to give me access to all the models and lights I could ever want
worked through many of my psychological issues on canvas
produced a large body of work
sold a large body of work
received awards and acclaim
fought legal battles, won some, lost some, still going on others.
became a pensioner, received my parking permit, got a cane to help me walk and used it to walk and walk and walk
saw many many many movies
formed groups for nude art online
formed a group for disabled artists
met my artistic hero
became an activist for nude rights and the fight against censorship
started a pretty successful blog
used my previous business experience to propel my career forwards while learning new tricks
discovered the joys and the addiction of social media
got a tattoo
learned how to budget, manage finances and save
got knocked up! it’s a difficult pregnancy but i’m still pushing ahead with my work and my strength building- some may say I’m insane but as long as I have my work to focus on I can get through anything. including pukeahontas.
been truly happy.
The Decade that was – Part One
it’s been a tumultuous decade in so many ways. A time for loss. For myself, for friends and loved ones and for the world. Personally, i lost a company, my career, my mobility, strength and endurance. But in many ways i’ve gained more than i’ve lost. I’ve gained my sense of self. I’ve discovered what i am supposed to do and i’ve been rewarded with all the joys of working in a career that i am genuinely passionate about. Here is my summary of the decade that was. It’s good to look back over the preceding time, there is so much to learn, and so much to look forward to in the coming years.
when 2000 began I was a completely different person. I was a director of a small internet start-up that was going places, my goal was to make a million before I was 30 and I had the healthy body of a 22 year old. I lived with my partner and two housemates and one cat. I still live with the same partner and cat.
since that time:
my company was absorbed into a larger company, bent on making a bleeding edge product that would have achieved my goals and then some. It collapsed due to a shoddy partner who embezzled our funds then left the country.
we moved house 6 times. twice by choice.
we went to the USA, my family loved my partner, we spent a very grown up week at Disneyland going on every single ride then a few very adult days at mardi gras.
we acquired 3 other cats, one was a traveling salesman who stayed with us for a short time, one sadly disappeared and the other is sleeping in the bedroom right now.
Due to the failing IT market I had to go back into adult web development, further fostering my dislike of porn.
I went from job to job, working at different IT companies, as a web designer, flash developer, project manager, account manager and back to project management again.
I should have taken the periods of unemployment and the miserable jobs as a sign that I was meant to do something more with my life, but, as ever, I was wedded to the concept of money and corporate ladders.
I stopped painting and drawing. except for charts and random phone doodles. I stopped seeing beauty in everything.
I finally got an excellent job with people I really liked. it was the most demanding project management work I had ever had with difficult hours, a seemingly impossible series of projects and a chance to prove myself. finally people were looking past my age and gender.
I got married! it was still the most successful project I’ve ever completed, on time, under budget and perfect in every detail. it was the perfect wedding, capped off by the perfect honeymoon. two weeks in luxury in Singapore. I married my long term partner and best friend and am still falling in love with him every day.
I should have taken the hint that I didn’t want to return to my work as a sign that there was something else out there. but this was the perfect job for me right? it was setting me back on track I just obviously didn’t know what I wanted.
we found a house to buy. the night we received the approval for the loan, the night our lives finally came together was the night a set of lights at a difficult intersection failed and we were T-boned by a heavily speeding car.
unable to return to work, I missed the end of the project I had been working on and sank into depression as the pain that was supposed to dissipate continued. and continued. the work piled up and I had to leave my job when it looked like I might have a long recovery ahead of me.
bored out of my brain and senseless with the pain I took out my old materials and started to paint.
and paint.
and the pain, that was forever there, suddenly stopped it’s urgent hammering on my senses.
and something inside me let go. and I painted my pain, and I painted figures and I celebrated color, and tone and the sheer joy that creation brings. where my paintings had always been technically good before now there was a spirit to them that had been lacking, an emotion and creativity rather than just a depiction.
I started Seeing again. seeing beauty and light and shadow in the world around me.
as the pain continued and we sought the help of specialists, we received a diagnosis and a prognosis of a permanent condition with a chance of degeneration.
I did research and discovered ways to ameliorate the degeneration and even increase my limited mobility. I started my own regime of building myself back up. I decided I wasn’t going to let myself drown in the pain and instead use it to make a new life for myself.
I decided that if I could never work a desk job again that I was free to pursue my art.
I turned to the internet once again, the lifeline, to learn how to be a successful artist.
Remembering what is and was
Today is my Granny’s Birthday.
Granny and I were always very very close. I credit my love of art and my abilities to her. she started me on the basics of drawing what I actually see- not what I want to see. on looking at works and seeing more, and on creating art and wanting more from the works that I do. she pushed me to excel. she critiqued my child’s hand, not as a grandmother to her grandchild but as a genuine art critique. and she did it in such a way as to make me want to improve with every piece. The day she finally complimented a painting and told me it was brilliant was one of the happiest moments of my life.
Granny and I would spend weeks together in her studio sculpting and drawing. she was a bronze sculptor- originally of horses. but later branched out into painting and abstract sculpture. I’m lucky enough to own one of her bronzes.
Granny is impossible to describe. she was one of the most vital, energetic, creative, spontaneous people I have ever known. ever since I was tiny I knew I wanted to grow up to be just like her. she and I once had an hour long conversation on the use of the word ‘shat’ as past tense for the word ‘shit’. she taught me French as a baby like she taught her dogs. she schooled me so that my first words were ‘hippopotamus’, ‘rhinoceros’ and ‘sha na na’. Granny would argue for hours on any topic- she would just pick a side of a debate and go for it. the end result never mattered, just the joy of the debate itself. she cheated at cards when there was chocolate on the line. She was an artist to her bones.
Unfortunately the woman I know as my Granny is no longer here. Altzheimers is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. for someone as brilliant, as alive as she was to slowly lose herself over years is beyond cruel. My mother has recommended that I not see her, so that my memories will remain intact. sometimes I wonder if that is so that at least one of us will have strong uncorrupted memories of the wonderful woman that was. I wrote to her for a while, I sent her pictures of my works. while she still remembered me she was immensely proud of my career.
I love you Granny. Happy Birthday. you may not remember me anymore but I will always remember you and everything you taught me.
perfectionism adjustment
I think the key to overcoming a block is to just go into the studio and paint. the trick is that you have to surrender to the possibility of creating crap. this is something I’ve been warring with internally for months now. this may have been one of my longest blocks yet. I could create ideas, I could sketch, but I couldn’t seem to create paintings. this happens to me quite a bit. often it is followed by a surge in creativity and an upgrade in skills. however, these days as a professional I don’t have the luxury of just waiting for it to come back to me in it’s own time. I have to create. I have to produce. I am also a perfectionist so every piece must be the very best I can do and an improvement on the last. anything less than an improvement is seen by me as a failure. and I don’t like to fail, it’s be perfect or don’t do it at all.
this is an attitude that needs adjusting.
I’ve been increasingly aware of my own anxieties about perfection and failure. I have also been learning the key life lesson that I have to make mistakes in order to grow. that my need for perfection and completion is holding me back from my dreams and goals. this probably seems stupidly obvious to most of you, but for me it’s been a real struggle to comprehend- and it’s something that has to come from within. one of these stupid things that everyone can tell you but you still have to work it out for yourself.
so last night I couldn’t sleep. I decided to hit the studio, see if a different time slot could shake things up a little. I am reassured that at the moment I am experimenting with volumetric lighting and that experimentation necessitates mistakes. this is a good way for me to move forward and hopefully progress beyond this block.
recent nude quotes
I’ve begin to run low on my sources for nude quotes. at first I only put in quotes I believed in, and recently I’ve added quotes that I don’t necessarily agree with, just to show all sides and to perhaps play devils advocate. the original pornography quote a couple of weeks ago sparked off a very interesting discussion on facebook notes here and led to the follow up quote the next week.
last weeks quote is one that I originally had misgivings about. it seemed prudish and silly. but I’ve been thinking about it all weekend, and I think it has a different meaning to the one I originally ascribed. I now think it’s actually saying that nudity is mundane, so natural as to be unremarkable. and I think that’s an attitude we should all have.
well, except me I guess, I mean it is my livelihood.
I’ve been searching further afield for my quotes recently. some have come from blogs I read or books or other random sources. I like to change it up. I’d also like for people to submit their own nude quotes to me. you can do that by selecting the contact page on this blog and sending me your quote and a link.
I may even run a competition at some point – what do you think?
Bio Drive
So I’ve been thinking that my biography is a bit boring, a bit old and a lot dated – in short, I am over it. so I’ve been working today on writing up a new formal biography and a less formal “about” for my websites and stuff. I’d love your input, I’m really terrible at writing about myself (which is why my personal blog is crammed full of stuff about art censorship really). these are still works in progress obviously 
The Formal Bio- These have a format and need to be a narrative of your CV in a few paragraphs, you need to talk about your accomplishments, education and introduce your artwork. it’s 3rd person and a bit of a yawn fest to write. and probably to read.
The human body has held constant fascination for Jennie Rosenbaum, partially due to her studies in art history and anatomy, and partially due to her own relationship with her body, both in image and after a car accident that left her with a chronic pain disability.
Jennie has exhibited her artworks worldwide. Her art has been shown at Miami Art Basel, at numerous Melbourne galleries, in New York and Boston. Jennie has donated works to support bushfire victims and VisualAIDs. Jennie’s artwork has gained rapid popularity online winning awards at barebrush.com a site dedicated to nude art.
Jennie works to maintain the image of the nude in art and writes a blog about censorship in art. She also leads nude advocacy groups and a group online for people with disabilities.
Jennie Rosenbaum excelled in art and art history at school and studied archaeology, painting, drawing and photography at the University of Monash, Curtin and RMIT. She has also worked closely with artist Donald Cameron in his studio and had the opportunity to be part of a specialized life class at the National Gallery of Victoria. Jennie is an American working from her home in Melbourne, Australia.
The informal Bio, about page type thing. this is when I started to run out of steam..
It shouldn’t take being hit by a car to discover your passion in life, but that is precisely what happened with me. In order to quench the pain of my new disability I returned to my first love, painting. Always technically proficient, my works lacked a certain something. But now my new focus allowed me to expand my interest into a new career with a new sense of abandon imbuing my artworks and a new emotional quality that has propelled my vision ahead.
I started studying again, taking classes online from universities like Curtin and RMIT to fill out my prior art education at Monash university. I painted and evolved my signature styles, almost by accident every time. I have worked to get my artwork out online, offline, and into the hands of collectors worldwide. I have exhibited internationally and locally, received awards for my artwork and excellent reviews.
My studio is in my home where I can paint at any time of the day or night. I live with my husband and two cats and rely on my iPod for those late night painting sessions. I also maintain a blog where I write about censorship issues and nude art and maintain nude advocacy groups. It is one of my missions to help change attitudes about the nude in art.
strangely I found it quite a depressing experience, I’m supposed to list my achievements and really I thought by now I would have more. perhaps it’s just me and my changing goalposts, my unrealistic expectations of my career and where I want it to be, but I want more dammit!
The music that has affected my work
My music is a really important part of my work, it influences it to such a point that certain albums can make or break my artwork. It is not necessarily about the albums I love the best, sometimes an album I really like is missing the critical element that translates into my artwork. the important quality seems to be to have excellent and interesting composition and lyrics, complexities in music or story that allows my forebrain to concentrate on the music and my lizard brain to concentrate on the creation of art. being able to sing along is important as well – it’s something else that occupies my forebrain.
sometimes I will get stuck on one album and play it over and over again. if it is a golden album I will get fixated and it is all I can listen to while I paint – on loop, incessantly until the luck wears off. when the album’s magic finally dissipates it leaves me depleted, broken and bereft. it sounds stupid but a lot rides on these golden albums. here is a list of the music that have propelled my work each into new stages, the golden albums for my artwork.
March Of The Falsettos / Falsettoland – William Finn
25th annual putnam county spelling bee – William Finn
A New Brain – William Finn
Brooklyn the Musical – Mark Schoenfeld, Barri McPherson
A Night at the Opera – Blind Guardian
Nightfall in Middle Earth – Blind Guardian
Little Women – Mindi Dickstein, Jason Howland
Bat Boy – Laurence O’Keefe
Rent – Jonathon Larson
Jerry Springer the Opera – Richard Thomas
Passing Strange – Stew
Most of these are musicals because the story occupies my brain and holds it allowing me to move into the zen state the easiest. some of them are very emotional, which also helps for some reason. All have captured my sprit and my soul in some way indescribable. I enter into a relationship with these albums and you can often see the continuity and development of my works based on what I was listening to. when the relationship ends, when the golden moment passes, it’s like the ending of something wonderful – I can return to the albums like you can run into an old lover, and remember what was great to begin with but it takes a lot of time and a long break before I can embrace them again.
I have just ended my long affair with Passing Strange. I have been listening to it solidly for about 10 months – an amazing run. I think, in part, that is why I’ve been feeling a little lost in my work. I still adore it, it still has the power to move me in ways I have never felt before, but I think it is time I gave it a break. the last two pieces I tried to paint to it went…poorly. I will probably return to one of my old favorites for a little while (Bat Boy seems to have perennial magic) while I look for the next Big Thing.
blocked
a 3D study for a painting- Weary
So I am blocked. I am blocked against writing, against painting, pretty much against everything creative. even my cooking has less flair. every time one of these massive blocks happen I get a surge of fear ‘is this it? was that all I got? am I going to be in the dark now forever?’ and of course it never is, the blocks go away after a while and my works are, if anything, better for the break. but the knowledge that it will end does nothing for the frustration, just like knowing that winter will eventually end.
but deep in my heart I know that sometimes things don’t go away. sometimes pain is there forever. and the niggling fear is that, like my chronic pain, this block will stick around forever. I know it’s not the case, it’s unrelenting exhaustion and emotional upheavals that have brought me to this point, just like pretty much every other time. I tend to work in a frenzy, painting, sketching, working on 3d models, lodging submissions, writing here, keeping all my fingers in all the pies. then, eventually it all becomes too much and my body forces me to take a break. I can’t do anything, even twittering and staying active on facebook is too much to bear.
I know that I should embrace this cyclic part of myself, it’s always been the case. but since the accident I guess I’ve been more and more aware of time, and the lack thereof. and how much I wasted previously when I should have been doing what I loved. and I feel like every minute that I’m not working is time stolen from my career in some way. In reality, forcing out crap work and pushing myself so that I am bedridden from pain is going to do much worse things for my career than working in a cyclic pattern. but the two halves of my brain are forever at war on that. the project manager sees deadlines, time, milestones. the artist sees the ebb and flow of natural creativity.
there are some interesting projects in the works and about to start that I hope will rekindle my creativity. for now I need to ride out this storm. again.
How comic books shaped my life – In the Beginning…
I thought it might be interesting to take a look back at my influences. make no mistake, I am an art history nerd, but I am also an out and out geek. so, while my inspiration was partially due to great traditional artists I must also give credit where credit is due. Comic books.
During a time in my life when I was feeling particularly powerless, confused about my sexuality, buffeted on all sides by the …roughness of boys pretending to be men, and caught up in the attempts to be all things to all people, comics were a ray of light and a symbol of hope. strong women who could take down their aggressors, fight off their fears. strong women with curves I didn’t have yet, and found so compelling in so many ways, strong women who were unashamedly themselves and didn’t have to fit a mold.
I did not read superhero comics. mainstream superhero comic women of that time period were idealized insipid creatures designed to need a mans help. I didn’t want that. some costumed creature who had to hide behind a mask and create an alter-ego to fit everyone else’s expectations, an image of insecurity. yes I know wonderwoman threw off those shackles eventually and became a hero girls could look up to, but at the time women were undergoing a rather pathetic era in comics, designed to be weak copies of their male counterparts. in many cases they were worse for body image than barbie!
nor was I into the underground feminist comics of the time. I was interested in the female form, and beginning to be aware that my interest was not entirely ..usual. At that time I tried to hide it by pretending to be boy crazy – something which backfired horribly I might add. so I enjoyed comics with these magnificent curvaceous women. swelling breasts and hip-crests, rounded thighs and buttocks. I fell in love with Betty and Veronica and with Dawn. I started haunting news agents and second hand book stores that stocked comics and started building a collection. I sought out the women in control of themselves, the ones who were confident with who they are. It wasn’t until much, much later that I realized what an impact all these comics had on me.
2008 Achievements
A little late, here are my achievements for 2008, the things I accomplished personal and business – no matter how small!
- I held my first solo show
- I received a first place award for my artwork Freedom.
- in the first half of this financial year I have already topped the sales for the entire previous financial year
- I started working in watercolors – and loving it!
- I started playing more and more with mixed media
- I really got into 3d modeling – and my artwork has improved so much as a result.
- I attended a number of online seminars and learned a lot about online marketing
- I met some truly wonderful people including an artist I really admire – Hazel Dooney.
- I learned that it’s ok to say no to some opportunities – I don’t have to chase every one.
- I exhibited in more group shows this year than ever before
- I started tweeting!
- I covered the Bill Henson debacle from beginning to end – more, I think, than any other arts blogger. (pretty sure, I did a lot of searching)
- my husband and I reached a very big decision to start trying for a baby
- I cut out a lot of my pain killers and harmful drugs in anticipation of #13
- I reached 70 and 80 on my main! (oh yes.. I had to put in a WoW one)
- I voted. absentee votes were hard but this year the election really counted. My state was really close (when usually it isn’t) so I feel like my vote made a difference.
- I became obsessed with blindfolds and cast shadows
- my blog traffic jumped massively
- I increased my walking distance and stamina and the pain reduced as a result – I have plateaued really well and built up my strength
- I increased my tolerance for stairs, they are still very very hard, but now no longer impossible.
The last few weeks.
it’s been a difficult few weeks. stuff has been happening to disrupt our lives at the moment and I have not been coping as well as I would hope. we still don’t have a home to move to and we have to be out in two and a half weeks. rental occupancy is at an all time low and every open for inspection is swarming with prospective tenants. my husband’s hours have been cut back drastically and we are having a hard time making ends meet. despite all of this I have managed to host a large family christmas, recapture my christmas spirit and joy and to enjoy the holiday period. I have been able to catch up with good friends, family and to really enjoy the holiday (all the while telling myself that I couldn’t look for houses anyway with all the estate agents closed – so I may as well have fun!)
I still believe in christmas. not the religious aspects, but the sense of unity and joy that this season brings. I believe in miracles and in making a new start. I believe in renewing hope and in getting together with the people you love and focussing on only that. spreading joy and happiness as much as possible.
I am sure our problems will resolve themselves. they always do. I am such a control freak that I tend to work as hard as I can to bring about a resolution. I will make this happen.
Thankyou all for being patient with me. I am sorry this is such a downer post, I wanted to share with you the reasons why I can’t focus on blogging or even painting. I expect things will resolve soon. thankyou all
Poll: which do you prefer?
I’ve wondered about this for a really long time.. it probably wont affect how I paint because I paint how I feel at the time, but I’m curious to know the results! which of my painting styles do you like best? for those who don’t know, my “ochre” works are the earthy pieces, my impasto works are the white ones and my watercolors are the new…watercolor pieces..
if you are reading this in RSS you may need to visit the page to vote in the poll. thanks!
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