Lazy – 20 x 8 Oils on Canvas by Jennie Rosenbaum
I’ve been going crazy the past few days. I can’t help it. I’m a perfectionist, obsessive and demanding, I expect only the very best from myself and my personal opinion of myself seems to weigh heavily on whether or not I’ve attained that perfection. considering it’s very hard to be perfect, you can imagine what my usual opinion is.
This exhibition is a catalyst for that. a massive challenge and a massive load of pressure. it all came bubbling to a head yesterday when the stress took over and I cracked for a little while. now that I’ve cracked, and faced the worst I am ready to go on again, building up, pushing further and faster ahead until I crack once more from the strain and the lovely cycle starts over again.
my body is starting to show signs from the pressure and being sick again recently has not helped this. I’ve been warned however and I’m determined to beat this self defeating cycle. that means I have to do something really, really hard. I have to learn to relax. you may laugh, but I just don’t relax. ever. even when i’m sleeping. but I am going to really work at this. so my apologies dear readers if my posting drops off over the next few weeks. I will try to keep up, even if it’s just a short note on a new piece. but if I skip a day or so here and there try not to think too badly of me – I’m probably in the studio because, luckily, painting is something that almost always gives me some measure of peace.