One Year On, My Thoughts…

It has been one year from the car accident that changed my life. I am not saying that lightly or to be dramatic – it really has.

Many people would think this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But it has freed me as well. Made me look at my life and come to the realization that I hated my corporate career. There is nothing like being stuck on your back for most of the day for some excellent soul searching. I got caught up in the drive for power and wealth that goes with IT management and lost sight of who I was and what I wanted. I was in therapy before the accident for this precise reason and didn’t really grok it until I had the forced time to reflect.

Because of my drive in the corporate world I neglected everything, my body, my health, and what I wanted. I was unhealthy, unhappy and stressed. My diet was horrible and I never slept enough. Everything was centered round work. I completely repressed my urge to paint and draw to the point where every time I started doodling at work I became overcome with depression and I stopped being able to see the colors and light the way I used to. In a sense the world had become gray.

after the accident I started painting again because I had time and it was something I could physically do without straining too hard. I also needed something to keep me occupied and away from the frightening thoughts that were bombarding me. And a wonderful thing happened! I discovered the world again, just like the mist had been drawn back from my eyes. The world was inspiring again and a hole that I had in my life has been filled again. I cant believe I denied my passion for so long.

I have had to learn to evaluate myself in a completely different way because the amount of money I earn and level I am at in the company now no longer have any meaning. It is amazing how small those things are compared with what is really important in life. Like movement.

I hate that I am in pain all the time. I hate that I am impaired to the point where I cannot dress myself and cannot sit for long or walk very far. I hate stairs.

if it hadn’t been for the accident I would still be working like crazy. I might have had a breakdown by now (I was well on my way) and would never have rediscovered my art. So, while I am very over the pain and impairment, I think the differences this accident has wrought in me are mostly good.

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