I think I have discovered the source of my painting block.
Each painting I have completed so far this season has been different, exploring new images, shapes, techniques, and each has been an upward progression in my skill.
I have explored foreshortening, different effects with paint and brushes and drying times. suddenly, I am feeling that I need a new challenge. And with the subjects I have nothing is quite gripping enough. Don’t get me wrong, I have some beautiful things in the wings, but I feel that if I’m not pushing the envelope with each new painting then I am betraying something in myself. Like I am not being all i can be.
I realize this is a stupid attitude. Each piece will be inherently different and its own animal in itself. But even more than this, I guess I need to remember that I don’t even know what a piece will be like until I am halfway through it.
I start with a basic concept. a figure, a pose, lighting. From there something takes over and I watch it develop. Sometimes I don’t even know what I am trying to achieve until it happens, and it gets that spark of life, of art.
I don’t know what is happening this time. The concept is there, inside my brain, but I guess I am expecting the full concept to arise before I start. I need to let go and lose myself in the moment and the pure joy of seeing it arise.
I should explain that before the accident I was a project manager. I am used to planning every tiny detail obsessively. That is both why I find letting go so hard and so pleasurable at the same time. It is an interesting psychological exercise if you think about it.