Well so much for that!

hmm.. You know that whole blogging goal thing? umm yeah. I feel bad about not posting for the last couple of days, things have been hectic with planning the show, and working on this portrait for the Investiture, and my back has taken another turn for the worst 🙄

There are times, like the past week, when I feel particularly low. Sore, depressed and fat. I try to get past it, to focus on positive things, like my painting. I am enjoying this portrait but it isn’t fulfilling some of my more.. psychiatric.. needs. I need to let loose on a canvas for a while. freak out a bit I guess. I am doing some walking to try and up my stamina and practicing singing for Saturday night. (I do both at once.. I love my iPod!) I can’t leave the house but I have a treadmill to help out.

There are times I feel so damn ineffectual! my life isn’t over. I’m only 28. I feel like i am expected to roll over and die just because I have a disability. Look – Chronic pain sucks. My condition has a very high suicide rate because of the pain and frustration. I am working hard to ensure it doesn’t degenerate but it is unlikely to get much better either. There has to be a point where I stand up and say – I am not my body!

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